Category / Romance

by Hopeless Romantic

Death, Lies and Baggage

Please Help Guide Me on My Journey

I don’t believe in luck! I believe we make our own luck in life. I can show countless times this has rung true in my life. However, if I did believe in luck, I might conclude I’m ridiculously unlucky in love.

I was recently accused of feeling sorry for myself as it relates to a failed relationship. The harsh reality was they were right. That doesn’t make the bitterness of the statement coupled with the woman who delivered it any easier to swallow.

As I explore this concept of Love with the detective skills of Sherlock Homes, I’ve learned the majority of single people feel unlucky in love but are somewhat optimistic their luck will change soon. The people who feel they have actually found their soulmate feel incredibly lucky, and have completely wiped the early bitter challenges of relationships from their memory. Those poor creatures in relationships that are not their soul mates, feel trapped, lonely and angrily the most unlucky people in existence.

Many people don’t realize what they want in love until they’re stuck in a relationship, and have sadly learned all the things they don’t want.

Here’s my strange conclusions from my extensive detective work. There is an innate fear in us that makes us so wickedly scared we’ll never find our true soulmate that we settle for anyone who is close. In many cases, these relationships end poorly.

However, there is an even worse fate. It is those unlucky souls who end up with a person you undoubtedly believe is your soul mate, but that person doesn’t feel the same way. The strange dichotomy is this means they are not your soul mate. When this occurs, it sure feels like the cold dark universe is out to get you.

There is an innate fear in us that makes us so wickedly scared we’ll never find our true soulmate that we settle for anyone who is close.

I have lost two women I’ve loved. One died in a horrific head on collision. This forever gouged a small piece of my soul which will never grow back. The second committed one of my two cardinal sins, “Never ever lie to me!” This impacted my ability to trust others, that I’m working on.

As for the baggage, that’s a story for another day. I will add this cliffhanger: My current baggage is preventing me from being with my soulmate. (Cue the Dun Dun from Law & Order.)

Love Entry #19

It was a bad day. I won’t go into detail, but the positive this will allow me to get back to my soulmate search. I know she is out there, and I will remain undaunted, unwavering and undeterred until I find her. Giddy up!!!

I would appreciate your wise counsel on this matter.

by Hopeless Romantic

Love is Color Blind: Including the Color Red in Flags

Please Help Guide Me on My Journey

When it comes to love, why do we ignore red flags? Why do we go after love and make the same mistakes with a partner. I’ve never understood how a woman could leave an abusive relationship only to enter another one with the same consequences. Though I don’t understand it, I must admit that I may be about to do the same thing. 

Don’t get me wrong, my personal brand of Love Tea is not abuse, however I’m afraid I’m about to drink the same love potion that eventually led to the downfall of my last relationship. 

“The heart wants what the heart wants.”

We make excuses for our stupidity with phrases like, “The heart wants what the heart wants.” What my heart wants is love and romance, and I keep finding ones who act like my ex. Can someone explain this to me? 

I see some red flags in a budding relationship, but the facts are clear, I like her. The practical and logical thing to do is run for the hills and begin a search for another. For some strange reason, I desire her, red flags and all. Though I’m a creature of habit, this is too important to fall into another bad relationship.

This is my quandary. So the saga and the circle continues…

Love Entry #18

I found someone I like. That’s not true, I found someone that with a little prodding I could easily love deeply. Her baggage and my baggage appear to make things highly unlikely. It’s a shame. It is amazing how close we come to happiness only to let life and baggage get in the way. It brings tears to my eyes.

Please offer your help. I’m all ears!

by Hopeless Romantic

It’s Over! Bring in the Funk

Please Help Guide Me on My Journey

It’s official. I’m in a funk. (Cue sad song now.) Something negative happened with someone I’ve been dating. There’s not much I could have done differently, but I do take full responsibility for it. I didn’t think I liked her that much, but It appears to be over. Now, I’ve had one full day of the Funk. You know what I mean. It’s that day where I get to feel a little sorry for myself. I get to pout. It’s where you hear a certain song and it makes you tear up.

Interestingly, I think I’m more upset of the thought that she had the makings of someone I want long-term than the fact it ended just as it was getting interesting. Even stranger, there were a lot of red flags that probably made it not a good fit. I’ve had other relationships end quickly, and they did not spark a Funk. Why this one? What makes this different? It’s perplexing.

These things happen all the time, and when I was younger I used alcohol and partying to drive away the Funk. At my age, It’s best to just spend a day sulking.

Tomorrow is a new day, and my Funk should be over. I’m not sure what I’ve learned from this except, I’m deciding right now that the Funk will not carry over to tomorrow. (Cue Rocky Music)

Love Entry #17

The above tells it all. However, I’m still looking for a dance partner. (See “The Dance and My Crazy Idea”)

by Hopeless Romantic

The Dance and My Crazy Idea

Please Help Guide Me on My Journey

One of my all-time favorite artists, Garth Brooks once sang in his song titled, “The Dance”:

And now I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end
The way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I’d have had to miss the dance

In what seems like a former life, I was an exceptional dancer. This was not imposed on me by over-zealous artistic parents. I was in college when I first decided to learn how to country dance. I took lessons at a country bar many miles from where I lived. I didn’t want anyone to know I was taking them.

It wasn’t because I was ashamed of taking lessons, because even then I knew that wooing women partially derived from the element of surprise, and a man that could dance was a big surprise.

I was at a country bar with a group of friends who on a whim decided to go, which was not a common activity for us. In this friend group was a woman I wanted so desperately and felt she was soooo beautiful and soooo out of my league that when I was with her I couldn’t remember my own name.

We were standing at the bar with our drinks. Some of our group had already bravely but awkwardly attempted to dance. I waited patiently trying to exude an air of apprehension. Then it happened. There are perfect moments in life when the stars align so beautifully, you couldn’t recreate the circumstances if you tried.

The woman I was poorly and foolishly trying not to completely gush over, looks at me with her big green eyes and says, “Do you want to give it a try?” This moment left such an imprint on me, I still remember the song, “Neon Moon” by Brooks and Dunn. For weeks, I’d prepared for this very moment.

I sat my drink down, grabbed her hand, and I think I said, “I’ll give it a whirl.” At least that’s the line I’d been practicing. I proceeded to twirl, spin and dance her all around the floor that night. Every woman in our group wanted to dance with me, and every guy hated my guts. I knew when I was singing Garth’s “The Dance” in her ear and she pulled away to look me in the eyes, I had won her over. We would date for many months after. All because of The Dance.

After that I took every dance lesson I could find. I learned the Salsa, Tango, Jitterbug, Swing, Waltz, Foxtrot, Cha Cha, and others which I have now mostly forgotten.

Now for the CRAZY IDEA! (Duh Duh Duh)

I’m on a focused mission to locate an adventurous woman (that I date or not) to take dance lessons with me. I’ll pay for all the lessons. I want to get back to surprises like casually walking into a salsa club in Miami, strolling into a swing dance club in LA, or meandering into a country bar right here at home. Now if I can only find the perfect companion…

Love Entry #16

Nothing to report. Today was overly busy with work.

I appreciate any of your advice.

by Hopeless Romantic

The Slow Death of Romanticism

Please help guide me on my journey.

I live in the wrong era. I think I would’ve been better suited to live in the days of the Musketeers where honor, chivalry and romance were coveted and admired. There was a time when the gift of words like poetry were a symphony of romance to a woman’s ears, but today it’s often chastised as a laughable gesture.

I like holding the door for a woman to enter a building. I like opening the car door for a woman. This may sound completely crazy but on occasion when greeting someone I’ve been dating, I like softly taking her hand and kissing it. A women once told me that makes me “archaic.” I don’t do it because a woman is incapable or that they’re weaker, I do it out of respect and admiration and to show them how much I value them.

I believe when I’m walking with a woman, I should always stand between the woman and the street, just in case. I believe when we sleep at a hotel, I should always sleep closest to the door, just in case. I believe when dining at a restaurant, I should always sit facing the door, just in case. In my many years on this earth, none of these things were ever necessary, nor have I discussed them with women. However, chivalry and romance are not always acts to be announced. I will continue to do them, just in case…

I can reasonably afford to buy a woman whatever gift she wants within reason. I can easily send flowers which at times is a noble gesture, but in my mind has become cliché. However, on a recent date, a woman in her mid 30”s casually informed me that no one has given her flowers since high school. I was so floored by her statement that I sent her three dozen roses the next day, and I’m not even that interested in her. (I do like to make a splash though! Is that wrong?) It’s just a travesty that romanticism has lost its way.

There is one element of romance that caused a major failure with a woman I really liked. I was overly romantic too fast. Employing subtlety and timing with romantic gestures is critical to prevent coming on too strong.

In a short time I’m traveling with a woman and I have several romantic gestures planned, some small and some bold. Last week, I asked her if she thought she would enjoy me doing romantic things on our trip. Her response has confused me. She said she would definitely like it, but she has NEVER experienced anything like it from a guy. Uhhhhhhh… I’m struggling with her response for several reasons.

Am I a hopeless romantic or just a geek? Maybe I’m a lost romantic? Maybe I was a Musketeer in a former life. I’ll keep you posted.

Love Entry #15

I enjoyed Sarah #1’s company twice last week. I do like her. She’s confusing but interesting, and I’m still having a difficult time trusting her. We will be traveling together soon, and I’m sure that will be revealing.

I would appreciate any of your advice.