Category / Soulmates

by Hopeless Romantic

Death, Lies and Baggage

Please Help Guide Me on My Journey

I don’t believe in luck! I believe we make our own luck in life. I can show countless times this has rung true in my life. However, if I did believe in luck, I might conclude I’m ridiculously unlucky in love.

I was recently accused of feeling sorry for myself as it relates to a failed relationship. The harsh reality was they were right. That doesn’t make the bitterness of the statement coupled with the woman who delivered it any easier to swallow.

As I explore this concept of Love with the detective skills of Sherlock Homes, I’ve learned the majority of single people feel unlucky in love but are somewhat optimistic their luck will change soon. The people who feel they have actually found their soulmate feel incredibly lucky, and have completely wiped the early bitter challenges of relationships from their memory. Those poor creatures in relationships that are not their soul mates, feel trapped, lonely and angrily the most unlucky people in existence.

Many people don’t realize what they want in love until they’re stuck in a relationship, and have sadly learned all the things they don’t want.

Here’s my strange conclusions from my extensive detective work. There is an innate fear in us that makes us so wickedly scared we’ll never find our true soulmate that we settle for anyone who is close. In many cases, these relationships end poorly.

However, there is an even worse fate. It is those unlucky souls who end up with a person you undoubtedly believe is your soul mate, but that person doesn’t feel the same way. The strange dichotomy is this means they are not your soul mate. When this occurs, it sure feels like the cold dark universe is out to get you.

There is an innate fear in us that makes us so wickedly scared we’ll never find our true soulmate that we settle for anyone who is close.

I have lost two women I’ve loved. One died in a horrific head on collision. This forever gouged a small piece of my soul which will never grow back. The second committed one of my two cardinal sins, “Never ever lie to me!” This impacted my ability to trust others, that I’m working on.

As for the baggage, that’s a story for another day. I will add this cliffhanger: My current baggage is preventing me from being with my soulmate. (Cue the Dun Dun from Law & Order.)

Love Entry #19

It was a bad day. I won’t go into detail, but the positive this will allow me to get back to my soulmate search. I know she is out there, and I will remain undaunted, unwavering and undeterred until I find her. Giddy up!!!

I would appreciate your wise counsel on this matter.

by Hopeless Romantic

Love is Color Blind: Including the Color Red in Flags

Please Help Guide Me on My Journey

When it comes to love, why do we ignore red flags? Why do we go after love and make the same mistakes with a partner. I’ve never understood how a woman could leave an abusive relationship only to enter another one with the same consequences. Though I don’t understand it, I must admit that I may be about to do the same thing. 

Don’t get me wrong, my personal brand of Love Tea is not abuse, however I’m afraid I’m about to drink the same love potion that eventually led to the downfall of my last relationship. 

“The heart wants what the heart wants.”

We make excuses for our stupidity with phrases like, “The heart wants what the heart wants.” What my heart wants is love and romance, and I keep finding ones who act like my ex. Can someone explain this to me? 

I see some red flags in a budding relationship, but the facts are clear, I like her. The practical and logical thing to do is run for the hills and begin a search for another. For some strange reason, I desire her, red flags and all. Though I’m a creature of habit, this is too important to fall into another bad relationship.

This is my quandary. So the saga and the circle continues…

Love Entry #18

I found someone I like. That’s not true, I found someone that with a little prodding I could easily love deeply. Her baggage and my baggage appear to make things highly unlikely. It’s a shame. It is amazing how close we come to happiness only to let life and baggage get in the way. It brings tears to my eyes.

Please offer your help. I’m all ears!

by Hopeless Romantic

It’s Over! Bring in the Funk

Please Help Guide Me on My Journey

It’s official. I’m in a funk. (Cue sad song now.) Something negative happened with someone I’ve been dating. There’s not much I could have done differently, but I do take full responsibility for it. I didn’t think I liked her that much, but It appears to be over. Now, I’ve had one full day of the Funk. You know what I mean. It’s that day where I get to feel a little sorry for myself. I get to pout. It’s where you hear a certain song and it makes you tear up.

Interestingly, I think I’m more upset of the thought that she had the makings of someone I want long-term than the fact it ended just as it was getting interesting. Even stranger, there were a lot of red flags that probably made it not a good fit. I’ve had other relationships end quickly, and they did not spark a Funk. Why this one? What makes this different? It’s perplexing.

These things happen all the time, and when I was younger I used alcohol and partying to drive away the Funk. At my age, It’s best to just spend a day sulking.

Tomorrow is a new day, and my Funk should be over. I’m not sure what I’ve learned from this except, I’m deciding right now that the Funk will not carry over to tomorrow. (Cue Rocky Music)

Love Entry #17

The above tells it all. However, I’m still looking for a dance partner. (See “The Dance and My Crazy Idea”)

by Hopeless Romantic

The Dance and My Crazy Idea

Please Help Guide Me on My Journey

One of my all-time favorite artists, Garth Brooks once sang in his song titled, “The Dance”:

And now I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end
The way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I’d have had to miss the dance

In what seems like a former life, I was an exceptional dancer. This was not imposed on me by over-zealous artistic parents. I was in college when I first decided to learn how to country dance. I took lessons at a country bar many miles from where I lived. I didn’t want anyone to know I was taking them.

It wasn’t because I was ashamed of taking lessons, because even then I knew that wooing women partially derived from the element of surprise, and a man that could dance was a big surprise.

I was at a country bar with a group of friends who on a whim decided to go, which was not a common activity for us. In this friend group was a woman I wanted so desperately and felt she was soooo beautiful and soooo out of my league that when I was with her I couldn’t remember my own name.

We were standing at the bar with our drinks. Some of our group had already bravely but awkwardly attempted to dance. I waited patiently trying to exude an air of apprehension. Then it happened. There are perfect moments in life when the stars align so beautifully, you couldn’t recreate the circumstances if you tried.

The woman I was poorly and foolishly trying not to completely gush over, looks at me with her big green eyes and says, “Do you want to give it a try?” This moment left such an imprint on me, I still remember the song, “Neon Moon” by Brooks and Dunn. For weeks, I’d prepared for this very moment.

I sat my drink down, grabbed her hand, and I think I said, “I’ll give it a whirl.” At least that’s the line I’d been practicing. I proceeded to twirl, spin and dance her all around the floor that night. Every woman in our group wanted to dance with me, and every guy hated my guts. I knew when I was singing Garth’s “The Dance” in her ear and she pulled away to look me in the eyes, I had won her over. We would date for many months after. All because of The Dance.

After that I took every dance lesson I could find. I learned the Salsa, Tango, Jitterbug, Swing, Waltz, Foxtrot, Cha Cha, and others which I have now mostly forgotten.

Now for the CRAZY IDEA! (Duh Duh Duh)

I’m on a focused mission to locate an adventurous woman (that I date or not) to take dance lessons with me. I’ll pay for all the lessons. I want to get back to surprises like casually walking into a salsa club in Miami, strolling into a swing dance club in LA, or meandering into a country bar right here at home. Now if I can only find the perfect companion…

Love Entry #16

Nothing to report. Today was overly busy with work.

I appreciate any of your advice.

by Hopeless Romantic

The Slow Death of Romanticism

Please help guide me on my journey.

I live in the wrong era. I think I would’ve been better suited to live in the days of the Musketeers where honor, chivalry and romance were coveted and admired. There was a time when the gift of words like poetry were a symphony of romance to a woman’s ears, but today it’s often chastised as a laughable gesture.

I like holding the door for a woman to enter a building. I like opening the car door for a woman. This may sound completely crazy but on occasion when greeting someone I’ve been dating, I like softly taking her hand and kissing it. A women once told me that makes me “archaic.” I don’t do it because a woman is incapable or that they’re weaker, I do it out of respect and admiration and to show them how much I value them.

I believe when I’m walking with a woman, I should always stand between the woman and the street, just in case. I believe when we sleep at a hotel, I should always sleep closest to the door, just in case. I believe when dining at a restaurant, I should always sit facing the door, just in case. In my many years on this earth, none of these things were ever necessary, nor have I discussed them with women. However, chivalry and romance are not always acts to be announced. I will continue to do them, just in case…

I can reasonably afford to buy a woman whatever gift she wants within reason. I can easily send flowers which at times is a noble gesture, but in my mind has become cliché. However, on a recent date, a woman in her mid 30”s casually informed me that no one has given her flowers since high school. I was so floored by her statement that I sent her three dozen roses the next day, and I’m not even that interested in her. (I do like to make a splash though! Is that wrong?) It’s just a travesty that romanticism has lost its way.

There is one element of romance that caused a major failure with a woman I really liked. I was overly romantic too fast. Employing subtlety and timing with romantic gestures is critical to prevent coming on too strong.

In a short time I’m traveling with a woman and I have several romantic gestures planned, some small and some bold. Last week, I asked her if she thought she would enjoy me doing romantic things on our trip. Her response has confused me. She said she would definitely like it, but she has NEVER experienced anything like it from a guy. Uhhhhhhh… I’m struggling with her response for several reasons.

Am I a hopeless romantic or just a geek? Maybe I’m a lost romantic? Maybe I was a Musketeer in a former life. I’ll keep you posted.

Love Entry #15

I enjoyed Sarah #1’s company twice last week. I do like her. She’s confusing but interesting, and I’m still having a difficult time trusting her. We will be traveling together soon, and I’m sure that will be revealing.

I would appreciate any of your advice.

by Hopeless Romantic

Perfect Love – Is it even Possible?

Please Help Guide Me on My Journey

Foreigner once sang, “I want to know what love is.” I found the perfect Love once, but in an instance it vanished. I will never forget our first date and our first kiss. Unbeknownst to me, the song that randomly played when it happened was one of her favorites. The irony of this song still hurts.

I’ll never forget the first night we made love. There was a funny moment when I put on a CD, (this ages me a bit) and she shook her head to let me know my music choice was wrong. She liked country, so Garth Brooks was her choice that night. My favorite song of Garth’s was The Dance. Again with the irony.

I’ll also never forget when they played her favorite song at her funeral. The same song that played during on first kiss. To this day I struggle to listen to that song. My memory of our Love is forever imprinted onto my soul.

I’m older. I’m wiser. I’ve failed in relationships. However I’m gaining clarity on what I want in a relationship, and it’s much different than what I wanted back then.

So here’s may new list:

  • I want a soulmate who is uncompromisingly honest with me. Who never lies to me. Who I can count on like the sun rising in the East to tell me the truth.
  • I want a soulmate who adores me, and I adore her. I want a soulmate who puts me on a pedestal and sits comfortably beside my on that same pedestal.
  • I want a soulmate who can easily live with out me, but needs me to make her life complete. I want a woman who could survive without me but thrives with me.
  • I want a soulmate who gets me, my idiosyncrasies, my crazy ideas, my humor and both understands and relishes what’s in my heart and soul.
  • I want a soulmate who is sexual in the way that drives me insane, who is erotic, aggressive and crazy flirtatious and then other times submissive and demure.
  • I want a soulmate who on occasion is not afraid to seduce me, and make me feel wanted, and likes to be wanted by me all the time.
  • I want a soulmate who is authentically herself. She does not try and be someone she’s not for me or anybody else. She knows who she is and loves herself.
  • I want a soulmate who loves adventure and when I say “I’m your Huckleberry,” she says, giddy up cowboy!”
  • I want a soulmate who has spunk and feistiness and is not too predictable.
  • I want a soulmate who doesn’t sweat the small stuff and keeps her eyes on the bigger picture.
  • I want a soulmate who is affectionate and likes to touch me as much as I like to touch her.
  • I want a soulmate who is smart and is impressive with her thoughts, views and ideas.

I will continue to add to this list, but that leads me to the obvious question. Is this asking for too much? Does this exist? Am I being realistic? Am I a person that attracts a woman like this? All this does is give me more questions than answers. To quote the Beatles, “All you need is Love.”

Love Entry #14

I’m working ridiculous amounts the next few days. I’ve had no time or opportunity to let the lion loose. However, I want to believe the woman of my dreams is close by. She and I are about to cross paths. Our destiny awaits.

by Hopeless Romantic

Dating’s like a Horror Flick: There’s a lot of Ghosts.

Please Help Guide Me on My Journey

In the past 36 hours. I’ve been ghosted twice. I had plans to have dinner last night with woman on a first date, and at the last minute, she cancelled. This was the second time she has needed to “reschedule.” I saw her today briefly, and she was adamant we need to reschedule. I was pleasant and kind to her. I am not angry, and actually I was very tired last night. Now I have zero desire to try again. (Is that my bruised ego talking? Not sure.)

I asked another woman who I’ll soon be traveling with to call me tonight. I had something I wanted to ask her, and little did she know, I wanted to offer to do something incredibly sweet for her prior to our trip. She texted and said she would call me back shortly. Since her pattern of behavior is to not call me at night (that’s a whole suspicious story on its own, but I have my theories), I didn’t expect her to call. Sadly, I was right. What she will never know, after having time to consider it, I’ve decided not to spend the money (and it was good amount) on a deeply romantic special surprise. (Again, is that my bruised ego talking? Still not sure)

On a positive note, my breakfast date (first date as well) did show up as she said she would. Funny thing though, I was fully expecting her to cancel. It was a nice surprise when she arrived as planned. We had a great conversation, and things went well. We are scheduled to see each other again net week.

This has led me to a not so new or brilliant epiphany.

I,Hopeless Romantic, do solemnly swear that I will with all the woman I date in the future DO WHAT I SAY I’M GOING TO DO!!!

If I commit to something, I’m going to do it. I will ensure that I’m not one of the men out there ghosting woman. I want to be a person that the future love of my life can count on. My word will be more certain than death and taxes. This is one way in which I will demonstrate to woman that I respect them and their time.

Though I will run into more ghosts as I go through this journey, I myself will not be an apparition.

Love Entry #12

7 of 10, Day 15. I did go to breakfast with Nurse Betty #6 this morning. We had a nice conversation, and she seems very authentic and down to earth. We have plans to go out again, but if I’m being honest there was no spark. She’s crazy cute, and looks like she could be on the cover of Vogue Nurse, but after one breakfast, I’m not sure there is enough fire there for her to be my muse.

On another note, the Lion struck again! I have a business acquaintance (let’s call her Lucy #7) that called me today. She and I have not had much face-to-face interaction, and she called to ask me for a favor. I obliged, and provided her with information that would have been very difficult for her to obtain on her own.

I’ve always found her to be beautiful and intellectually sharp. If I’m being totally vulnerable, I’ve also felt she was a little out of my league. In the spirit of living fearlessly, I said to her, “Lucy, I would like to take you to dinner, not as business colleagues, but on a date. What do you say?”

There was a long pause. It was probably only a second, but it seemed like five minutes, and my negative self was already preparing for the worst. Then she said, “I would love to.” We put a date on our calendar for next week.

Here’s the crazy thing. A couple of months ago I randomly saw her at a restaurant. I walked over to her table where she sat with a friend and said “hi”. We talked for a minute, and I left. She told me today, that when I saw her back then, she told the friend that she wished I would ask her out. Who knew???

The Lion is the King of the Jungle. It’s good to be King!

I would love your thoughts!

by Hopeless Romantic

When is a Woman “Stunningly Beautiful”?

Please Help Guide me on My Journey

Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart once famously quipped about the topic of obscene pornography, “I know it when I see it!” After reading a response to an earlier post from “Writer with Words,” this question has besieged by thoughts. This leads me to a bigger question, “What do I find Stunningly Beautiful?”

Like Indiana Jones searching for the Holy Grail, I spent my entire day seeking to understand what I see in a women that makes her “Stunningly Beautiful.”

As I’m working out at my high-end overpriced gym, a woman walks in with beautiful blonde hair, full makeup, a perfectly coordinated Lulu Lemon outfit that showed her well toned abs, and a strange ability to text between each exercise. I suspect she had augmented breasts, and it was obvious she’s dedicated significant time and effort into her fitness routine. Though she was very pretty, this is not who I see as stunningly beautiful.

However, to the woman in the plain white long-sleeve shirt, the ponytail, no make up, who was intensely focused on her workout, listening to her head bopping music too loud, and who smiled slyly, proud of herself for finishing her set of deadlifts, you are stunningly beautiful!

I value authenticity. She was not trying to be someone she wasn’t. She was in that gym for herself. There was no pretense about her. Her enjoyment of her music while moving her head to the beat was alluring. It demonstrated a fun side, someone I would like to take dancing. Her display of self-satisfaction with her minor accomplishment showed confidence. She screamed of a woman who looks into the mirror and barks, “You go this!” and means it.

To the woman who I’ve known for years, who served me breakfast at the club this morning, who recently changed her hair color, who has always gone above and beyond to help me, and who affectionately told me and my guest to “Fuck off then” after I made a funny/chastising comment toward her, you are stunningly beautiful!

I value spunk and confidence. I value a woman who speaks her truth. Who tells it like it is, but also cares for me and others so much that she would go WAY out of her way just to make my life better.

To the woman from Hawaii who took my lunch order, with her sun and moon tattoo, who recently split from her boyfriend, who loves to surf, and after I said I surfed in Costa Rica, flirtatiously quipped, “I wish someone would take me to Costa Rica to surf”, you are stunningly beautiful!

I value adventure and flirtation. I’m adventurous, and I’m attracted to women who are as well. A woman that has the confidence to flirt is a huge turn on. It shows a playful fun nature.

Finally, to the woman in the short skirt that once seductively informed me on a date as we sat eating a meal at a fancy restaurant, “I just thought you should know, I’m not wearing any panties.” you are stunningly beautiful!

I value a woman who knows when to be naughty. After she made that comment, I could not concentrate. I’m not sure I could remember my own name, but she had me wrapped around her little finger.

My learnings today about “Stunningly Beautiful” has little to do with appearance. Don’t get me wrong there are superficial things that I find both attractive and unattractive, but “Stunningly Beautiful” comes in all shapes, sizes, hair color, heights, and looks.

Love Entry #11

6 of 10, Day 11. In the jungle, the mighty jungle ,the Lion was on the hunt! I spoke to a stunningly beautiful woman today. Get this, I met her while I was getting gas. I walked up to her said, “I’m happy to pump your gas for you, so you don’t have to, and all I want is to have a fun flirty conversation with you. What do you think?”

At first, she had a very constipated look on her face as she processed my request, and then she said, “Sure, why not.” We chatted for over 15 minutes. She’s a nurse, so we will refer to her as Nurse Betty #6. She sadly recently broke up with her boyfriend which of course I felt soooo sad about. At then end of our conversation, I asked her if I could take her out for ice cream. (That seems so much more fun than coffee or lunch.) That made her laugh, and she said, “Sure, I love ice cream.” She gave me her number, and the rest is history!

The Lion roared and the jungle shook!!!!

by Hopeless Romantic

The Dating/Relationship Epidemic No one is Talking About

Please Help Guide Me on My Journey

I have learned something disturbing over the last few months of trying to find new female friends. There’s an epidemic far worse, more damaging and more widespread than Covid or Monkeypox. This epidemic has a severe impact on dating and relationships. It’s also manifesting in our every day lives in ugly ways with complete strangers.

If you’re reading my Love Entry Chronicles at the bottom of each post, you will remember I’m attempting to fearlessly approach 10 women in 20 days. However, I have another more covert Mission that I’m also trying to complete as well.

I was at a coffee shop today. The beautiful woman who took my order had incredibly elaborate eye makeup that looked like the beginnings of a costume for a performance in Cats. She and I had an engaging conversation while she took my order. I got my drink, sat down and worked for about an hour.

Upon leaving, I walked back to the counter. She asked me how she could help me, and then I said:

“You are absolutely beautiful the way you’ve done your eyes. If you were not wearing that make up, you would still be absolutely beautiful. However, what is even more beautiful is your personality. Have an awesome day!

Her face and eyes lit brighter than the Texas sun. She thanked me, and I believe she was on the verge of tears. I walked out.

I do not frequent that coffee shop nor do I expect to ever see her again. Missing in her life was not a boyfriend or a date, or some guy like me flirting with her. What she was missing was ENCOURAGEMENT! And right now we live in a world that is virtually absent of it.

Yesterday, in a drive-through I frequent, I expressed to the women at the window, “I always enjoy seeing you in the mornings, because your beautiful personality is soooo infectious, and seeing you in the mornings makes me happy!.” She cried! She’s starved for encouragement.

So, I challenge all of you hopeless romantics, word smiths , authors, experts, bloggers, readers and writers of truth, for the next seven days everywhere you go seek out those souls who are starving for a morsel of encouragement and tell them something specific, honest and beautiful about them. This will change the world!

Love Entry #10

“I’m now thoroughly convinced Sarah #1 continues her minimal texting with me to go on my adventure. I’m sure we will still have fun, but I’m no longer putting the mindshare of romantic gestures into the trip.

5 of 10 day 10. The Lion roared and then whimpered off like a kitten. I did approach a gorgeous woman today who was probably too young for me, but I needed to get another one in to stay on target. I crashed and burned like like an enemy plane in a Maverick movie. That’s ok, I’m still in the game.

The challenge for me is not maintaining the fearlessness but finding potential prospects. I will work on putting myself in better situations.

by Hopeless Romantic

When Dating…Is a Promise not a Promise?

Please Help Guide Me on My Journey.

I’m old school. I grew up in the great State of Texas, a southern boy with Texan parents. (Be careful putting labels on me because of my origins. Texans have a reputation that is often inaccurate.) Though my dad didn’t always follow his own advice, I was taught a Promise is a Promise. I was educated in brutal fashion to the consequences of breaking a promise. It’s apparent to me that the World has passed me by like a horse drawn carriage, an 8 track tape or a MAPSCO . There’s not many left who live by the cannon of chivalrous code that promises are sacred.

I’ve tried to educate my own kids on the same edict, but the world tells them promises are a casual commitment and not something the entirety of your character is founded upon. My way of thinking has become a relic in a lost culture.

That leads me to a problem. I made a promise to a wonderful fourteen year old, and under no circumstances will I break it. I’ve asked her to release me from this promise, but my request has been denied. That promise does negatively impact my search for the woman of my dreams.

“I made a promise to a wonderful fourteen year old, and under no circumstances will I break it.”

When I do find someone to date, I want a woman who will value a promise like I do. I want a woman who’s authentic. I want a woman who tells me the most intimate, most embarrassing, most erotic, most hurtful and most meaningful thoughts that stir in the depths of her soul. She does this with the fearlessness of a wild Conquistador because I’ve made the ultimate Promise, never will I judge her thoughts, and I will use my superpower of curiosity to explore the beauty and uniqueness of her spirit.

So I scream a Barbaric Yawp (A Reference From the Movie Dead Poet Society) requesting the presence of You the woman of my dreams who will also keep her Promises. A woman who lives authentic, honest and fearless along side me. A woman who will promise to guard my crazy thoughts and allow me to also fearlessly share with her all that is me.

Love Entry #9

Ok, I am now thoroughly convinced Sarah #1 is just not that into me. I know what it feels like for a woman to be into me and this is not it. It sucks since very soon I’m taking her on an elaborately expensive four day adventure. I believe she is ecstatic about the trip, but not necessarily being with me. My feelings of being taken advantage of are running amok again. I suppose I need to just get over it, have a good time on the trip, and expect it to end when we return. (Wow, that’s negative! That’s somewhat unlike me. I’m must be more frustrated than I realize.)

I desperately tried to find a woman to approach, but alas there were no antelope in the Serengeti to be found today.

WHERE’S THE ADVICE???????????????