Do We Even Know What Love Is?

Please Help Guide Me on My Journey

I personally know a man who died for a woman because he loved her beyond anything “a flea like you could never begin to understand.” (Excuse the quote from the great Movie Second Hand Lions.)

It was both a tragic and beautiful Love story. He was diagnosed with a debilitating and long-suffering disease, and his health began to degrade. He needed a lot of aid to do simple things. He could not bare the thought of the woman he loved more than anything in the world imprisoned and unable to live her best life because she was stuck caring for him.

She would have gladly and happily done anything for him. She loved him in a way that very few people ever experience the miracle. On a gloomy day, he took his own life. The suicide note was horrific but sadly beautiful.

The last words in his scribbled cursive read:

I want you to see the world and to go to all the places that I would never be able to take you. I have only ever loved you. Not one day that we were together was a bad day. The thought of being without you hurts me but the thought of you being stuck taking care of my dying body every single day hurts me more. I love you so much and I will prevent you from living a happy life. God will forgive me, and you must too. I’ll be waiting for you just inside the gates of Heaven.”

Know one knows I kept the letter after the police returned it. Please don’t judge me, but on certain occasions for various reasons, I remove this note from its secret hiding place and read it. I always cry.

I always cry because I miss him for he was a great man. I always cry because I wonder if there was anything I could have done to stop him. I always cry because I’ve never witnessed two people love each other more beautifully. I always cry because I’m getting older, and I fear I may never know a love this powerful. I always cry because it happened several years ago today.

Love Entry #8:

Today, I have nothing to report. I worked from early this morning till fairly late, so there was no opportunity!

As of this writing Sarah #1 has not contacted me today nor I her. If Sarah #1 called (which she never does; she only texts.), I would not tell her what today represents to me. I’m not comfortable being that vulnerable with her yet. (Strangely, the only person I’ve told is you.)

This is one of those days, I wish I had someone in my life that would call me with the sincere desire to just learn how my day went. I might reply, “It was a long day but uneventful.” I would give little detail as my work requires me to be somewhat secretive. (No black ops government stuff, if that’s what you’re thinking.) Then she would ask to come over, and I would say “yes.” At some point I would tell her about the note and what today represents, but not today. However, just her presence would make my day a little better. (I told you I’m a Hopeless Romantic!)

I’M STILL WAITING FOR MY FIRST COMMENT!

A Hopeless Romantic with a Hero Complex is BAD for Dating

Please Help Guide Me on My Journey

I save people all the time. Not in a heroic fireman, police officer, doctor, soldier sort of way, but I regularly impact people’s lives for the better. My job and my colleagues lend itself to having incredible resources to help people.

By know means am I altruistic. I flood my self-worth by flying in as the non-caped superhero (because a cape would be weird) to save the day. We don’t need to get into the psychological ramifications of this, as I’m acutely aware of my issue.

My hero complex is especially bad when dating. Some women are drawn to me, when I swoop in and save them in a challenging, difficult or dire situation. I am sometimes drawn to women who need saving. However, I’m realizing that more and more I feel they’re taking advantage of me.

Once they get a taste of my desire to help them, they all too subtly or sometimes overtly ask for more. It starts with either, “You’ve done so much for me, so I would never ask for anything else, I’ll figure out how to ….. on my own.” Or, “You’ve done so much for me, and I hate to ask for something else, but…”

I realize I cause all of this. Many of them seem so appreciative, but their constant desire for my help becomes a turn off for me. This is especially true as I start feeling I do all the giving, and she does all the taking. Another scenario, even worse for me, occurs after I help them. I become dispensable, and they return to the man that treats them like camel dung. Either way the hero falls from grace.

Love Entry #7:

I spoke with Jane #2 at the gym today. We are supposed to have dinner next week. We’ll see if it happens, but I’m slightly surprised she rescheduled. It was her idea. (So you’re saying there’s a chance.)

I sent Goddess Kat #4 a DM yesterday. There’s been no response. That’s ok, she may have had a boyfriend or something else. At least that’s what I am telling myself.

4/10 day 7. I’m still on track. The Lion strikes again! There was a beautiful woman sitting at the coffee shop today alone at a two person table. The place was almost completely void of other patrons. In a dashingly confident almost “Super Spy” sorta way, I grabbed my drink and without uttering a single sound, I sat down across from her.

She had a surprised look on her face and her eyes opened really wide (Or maybe it was a look of terror, I’m not really sure). I said, “I’m terribly sorry, but do you mind if I sit here, I cannot find anywhere else to sit.” She slowly turned her head looking around the room and then turned to me and busted out laughing. She was incredibly kind and ridiculously beautiful. She told me, “You have made my day, and any other time I would love your company, but my boyfriend is on his way here. I’m afraid he might not like you sitting here.”

I laughed and cursed my luck. I briefly lamented over “all the good ones are taken.” She laughed and slyly commented, “Maybe next time.” I doubt she meant it, but her sweet remarks made me feel good. With a disingenuous look of shock, I said, “Oh look, another table just opened up.” She laughed out loud again.

I kindly removed myself from her table. I sat down for a few minutes as my previous plan had been to leave immediately after acquiring my drink. Just as I was about to leave, A behemoth gorilla of a man covered in tattoos and having the muscles of Greek God lumbered in. His face was unfriendly with a scoured countenance, and he exuded the kindness of a rabid Pit Bull. Guess who???

After saying a prayer to the God Almighty, thanking him for my timely removal from her table, I decided to leave the establishment quickly. As he stood at the counter unable to see either of us, I exited. When I did, she smiled and gave me a small wave with her fingers goodbye. Though on this day, the lion was not triumphant on his hunt, her little gesture made it all worth it!!!

(Though the Lion is the King of the Jungle, I’m not sure how it would fare against a giant gorilla!)

I’m still looking for someone to provide ME my first piece of advice…

Alone in a Desolate Sea of People

Please Help Guide Me on My Journey

As a manly man from the South, it’s hard to admit that I’m lonely. I don’t think I could utter those words to someone else. It’s not that I don’t have people around me, I do. As I reveal more about me in days and weeks to come, you will find that I’m surrounded by people and predominantly women. Sadly, that does not impact the loneliness.

My search for a companion is gaining clarity, but finding that compatible lost sole in this massive sea of deception is both daunting and exhausting, I am looking for a purely authentic, unwaveringly honest (at least with me), insanely adventurous, overly kind and stunningly beautiful woman who can challenge and inspire me to live my best life.

If I find her, I will give myself over to her as well as the world and all that’s in it. (As long she appreciates this gift and me.)

Oh, and she has to put up with me and be accepting of my baggage and relationship timelines. (More to come about that later.)

Is the description of what I want in a woman the rarest of unicorns?

Love Entry: #6 (Huge Update!)

When you last saw me, I was writing my blog. Sarah #1 was drunkly passed out in my bed and something bad may have happened to her. Fast forward to the next morning. I was up already on my computer working. She refused to tell me what really happened the night before. We did engage in a conversation that was somewhat awkward. (The conversation was probably premature and I think I handled it awfully.)

I have neglected to mention that in the next month Sarah #1, and I are supposed to travel on a 4 night excursion together. I’ve already bought her plane ticket. I tried, though very poorly, to explain that I don’t want drama, I don’t want lies, and I only want to chase after a woman that wants me to chase her. I think I failed miserably in getting my points across.

She did tell me, “I want you to chase after me.” She also said,” I was the most intriguing person she had met in a long time.” I have an uncanny ability (next level, scary mind reading type mentalist abilities) to tell when people are not being completely honest. Most people don’t believe me, but it is an incredible gift, it makes me highly effective at my job, and it’s an exhausting curse because people lie ALL THE TIME!

I think those 2 statements were mostly honest, but I know she’s not being honest about other things. Should I even care at this point? Here’s my problem. 1) I kinda like this girl. She fits a lot of what I’m looking for. 2) I’m not sure I can ever really trust her, as I don’t believe she can ever be 100% honest with me. (Insert massive sigh and slight dejectedness here!)

This is making me withdraw from her.. WHAT DO I DO?

ANY COMMENTS OR ADVICE???

Women thy name is Drunk

Please Help Guide Me on My Journey…

I was speaking with a close female friend today. She lamented about a women’s online group she’s involved where they tell horror stories about how awful men treat them. They are literally begging to find men who treat women well.

I think this is one of life’s greatest conundrum. If you treat a woman wonderfully, respectfully, with great care, and with ravenous passion, they seem to get bored with you quickly. You are too easy to possess and in my experience, this turns women off. And…It’s frustrating to watch men treat women like rhinoceros excrement and watch these high-powered confident women by day keep coming back over and over to these men at night. (Maybe I’m saying this with a slight twinge of frustration.)

I’m in search of a woman who will accept with a high degree of appreciation a passionate, romantic, kind, on some occasion charming man. I want a woman who will worship the ground I walk on and in complete fairness, I will worship hers.

Love Entry #5

3/10 sorta. I cannot make this stuff up. Here is my life and my luck with women. I’m traveling. I’m staying in a nice hotel, and tonight, I’m all by myself with no one to join me for dinner. I find a great restaurant, sit at the bar, and the bartender is a Goddess. (Let’s call her Kat #4). I adored her. We had an engaging conversation. We connected. We even added each other on Instagram. I was a lion in the Serengeti stalking a most beautiful antelope.

Did I mention that Sarah #1 was supposed to meet me tonight??? She told me yesterday, we would go out when I got in town. After not hearing from her all day, she informed me, she was in town but had a “business” event she had to attend. She told me she would come see me at the hotel after, and we would have a drink. I was not holding my breath!

Back to the bar… I’m having an intense but poetic conversation with the Goddess, and my phone rings. (Dun Dun Da!) Its Sarah #1. She is sobbing uncontrollably where I can barely comprehend her, and she begs me to pick her up at a bar twelves miles away. So what do I do??? (This is where you say, “No he didn’t!)

You guessed it, I jumped in an Uber (I had been drinking) and went to pick her up. After getting her in the Uber, she’s sobbing and telling me something really bad happened. I’ve asked her all these questions. I don’t know if some guy dumped her, if she was raped or if someone hit her. It’s all so confusing!!! I call a female friend, and she speaks with her. She becomes incoherent. I think she may have been given a drug.

She is passed out, fully clothed in a diagonal position across my entire King sized bed as I’m writing this. I will get clarity in the morning and take her to the hospital, the police or home depending on what I uncover.

Don’t judge me on how I am handling this, but I’m all ears for your advice.

I need your advice. Please chime in!