Alone in a Desolate Sea of People

Please Help Guide Me on My Journey

As a manly man from the South, it’s hard to admit that I’m lonely. I don’t think I could utter those words to someone else. It’s not that I don’t have people around me, I do. As I reveal more about me in days and weeks to come, you will find that I’m surrounded by people and predominantly women. Sadly, that does not impact the loneliness.

My search for a companion is gaining clarity, but finding that compatible lost sole in this massive sea of deception is both daunting and exhausting, I am looking for a purely authentic, unwaveringly honest (at least with me), insanely adventurous, overly kind and stunningly beautiful woman who can challenge and inspire me to live my best life.

If I find her, I will give myself over to her as well as the world and all that’s in it. (As long she appreciates this gift and me.)

Oh, and she has to put up with me and be accepting of my baggage and relationship timelines. (More to come about that later.)

Is the description of what I want in a woman the rarest of unicorns?

Love Entry: #6 (Huge Update!)

When you last saw me, I was writing my blog. Sarah #1 was drunkly passed out in my bed and something bad may have happened to her. Fast forward to the next morning. I was up already on my computer working. She refused to tell me what really happened the night before. We did engage in a conversation that was somewhat awkward. (The conversation was probably premature and I think I handled it awfully.)

I have neglected to mention that in the next month Sarah #1, and I are supposed to travel on a 4 night excursion together. I’ve already bought her plane ticket. I tried, though very poorly, to explain that I don’t want drama, I don’t want lies, and I only want to chase after a woman that wants me to chase her. I think I failed miserably in getting my points across.

She did tell me, “I want you to chase after me.” She also said,” I was the most intriguing person she had met in a long time.” I have an uncanny ability (next level, scary mind reading type mentalist abilities) to tell when people are not being completely honest. Most people don’t believe me, but it is an incredible gift, it makes me highly effective at my job, and it’s an exhausting curse because people lie ALL THE TIME!

I think those 2 statements were mostly honest, but I know she’s not being honest about other things. Should I even care at this point? Here’s my problem. 1) I kinda like this girl. She fits a lot of what I’m looking for. 2) I’m not sure I can ever really trust her, as I don’t believe she can ever be 100% honest with me. (Insert massive sigh and slight dejectedness here!)

This is making me withdraw from her.. WHAT DO I DO?


Women thy name is Drunk

Please Help Guide Me on My Journey…

I was speaking with a close female friend today. She lamented about a women’s online group she’s involved where they tell horror stories about how awful men treat them. They are literally begging to find men who treat women well.

I think this is one of life’s greatest conundrum. If you treat a woman wonderfully, respectfully, with great care, and with ravenous passion, they seem to get bored with you quickly. You are too easy to possess and in my experience, this turns women off. And…It’s frustrating to watch men treat women like rhinoceros excrement and watch these high-powered confident women by day keep coming back over and over to these men at night. (Maybe I’m saying this with a slight twinge of frustration.)

I’m in search of a woman who will accept with a high degree of appreciation a passionate, romantic, kind, on some occasion charming man. I want a woman who will worship the ground I walk on and in complete fairness, I will worship hers.

Love Entry #5

3/10 sorta. I cannot make this stuff up. Here is my life and my luck with women. I’m traveling. I’m staying in a nice hotel, and tonight, I’m all by myself with no one to join me for dinner. I find a great restaurant, sit at the bar, and the bartender is a Goddess. (Let’s call her Kat #4). I adored her. We had an engaging conversation. We connected. We even added each other on Instagram. I was a lion in the Serengeti stalking a most beautiful antelope.

Did I mention that Sarah #1 was supposed to meet me tonight??? She told me yesterday, we would go out when I got in town. After not hearing from her all day, she informed me, she was in town but had a “business” event she had to attend. She told me she would come see me at the hotel after, and we would have a drink. I was not holding my breath!

Back to the bar… I’m having an intense but poetic conversation with the Goddess, and my phone rings. (Dun Dun Da!) Its Sarah #1. She is sobbing uncontrollably where I can barely comprehend her, and she begs me to pick her up at a bar twelves miles away. So what do I do??? (This is where you say, “No he didn’t!)

You guessed it, I jumped in an Uber (I had been drinking) and went to pick her up. After getting her in the Uber, she’s sobbing and telling me something really bad happened. I’ve asked her all these questions. I don’t know if some guy dumped her, if she was raped or if someone hit her. It’s all so confusing!!! I call a female friend, and she speaks with her. She becomes incoherent. I think she may have been given a drug.

She is passed out, fully clothed in a diagonal position across my entire King sized bed as I’m writing this. I will get clarity in the morning and take her to the hospital, the police or home depending on what I uncover.

Don’t judge me on how I am handling this, but I’m all ears for your advice.

I need your advice. Please chime in!

The Fatal Love Test

Please Help Guide Me on My Journey

I fear I use unrealistic “Love Tests” to see if a women is into me. When I don’t get the response I expect, I either push the woman away out of fear she doesn’t really like me or find things wrong with her, so I will push her away. Did I mention I don’t trust very well?

I have this weird aversion to chasing after a woman. It’s never worked out well for me. Therefore, if I use these little tests, then I can feel better when the subject passes them. If they fail them then I can better guard my heart. Either way it’s both sad and detrimental.

Love Entry #4

Speaking of Love test…I texted with Sarah #1 today. Something bugs me and maybe it shouldn’t, but it just does. I ask her today, “How was your day?” I don’t ask her this everyday, but I’ve asked her several times. She never asks me that question back. Is she too self-absorbed? Is she just not that into me? Does she not really care?

What’s weird is most of my days are good to great. I rarely live a bad day. However, recently I had an awful day, and so did she. I ask her about her day, maybe hoping she would ask me too. I listened all about difficult situation. I asked good questions. I acknowledged her feelings of frustration and fear were valid. After all of that, she never ask me back. Am I being a big pansy because I want her to care about my day? It sure feels that way.

She failed the test.


The Gruesome Broken Heart

Please Help Guide Me on my Journey

I’ve had my heart torn apart twice. The first time, the perfect women of my dreams died. It forever changed the course of my life. My soul shattered in an instance. She and I fit together like perfect puzzle pieces depicting an epic sunrise. The second time I loved a woman she committed my deadly sin, she lied. It was about something stupid, but it cured my blindness to the brutal truth that she would never love me the way I loved her. All these years, they are the only two.

There is this connection when “True Love” exists that is more powerful than anything in this universe. It is my contention that most people never experience the grandeur of this love even once. My curiosity seeks to understand if can I find this Love in again another woman that has the capacity, courage and vulnerability to love me with the same all-consuming passion that I love her. Stay tuned for the conclusion of this wonderful love story or soul-crushing tragedy.

God has a funny, mysterious, beautiful and sick way of going about things.

Love Entry #3:

2/10 on day 2 of my challenge. Again I was a Lion! I approached a women sitting at the bar tonight of a local restaurant. We exchanged phone numbers. She was not my usual type with the exception of being a former college athlete, and I’m not 100% sure she’s not a Lesbian. If she is, we still had an engaging conversation. We didn’t make future plans, but I have her number.

My negative self-talk told myself she thought I was too old for her or too male, but who knows? The facts are: I approached her with courage and fearlessness.


Fearlessness, Courage, Stalking & Creepers

Please Help Guide Me on my Journey

I want to live as a lion! I want to be fearless! I desire to approach women with extreme courage. In most areas of my life, this is exactly how I act. However, when it comes to approaching women, I lack the same courage and fearlessness. I fear being looked upon as a nuisance. I also fear the Jimmy Kimmel, “Ewe.”

Instead of feeling like Joey saying, “How you doing.” I feel more like Chandler saying, “blah, uh, um, blah.” I get the psychological fear of rejection, but it’s still that sting when you receive her look that says she thinks you’re a Creeper.

Here’s my challenge to myself. I am going to approach 10 women over the next 20 days. I will do it with the courage of a samurai. If I don’t get thrown in jail, I’ll keep you posted. Wish me luck!

Love Entry #2:

1/10 — Chalk one up for the Lion! I approached a woman at the gym today who I somewhat know. I’m not sure I can handle her because she may very well be stronger than me. Her abs are definitely more defined than mine as my abs are defined by the several layers of fat distributed across them.

In my most confident fearless way, I said, Hi Jane #2 (not her real name). I want to buy you dinner. Would you be open to that. She looked at me, smiled and said sure. We immediately put a date on the calendar, but my schedule is ridiculous, so it’s two weeks from now. Let’s see if it sticks.

On another note, I spoke with Sarah #1 from the last post (also not her real name). We had a good conversation. We may go out in a couple of days. We will see if it holds. I told her tonight I had a hard time trusting her. It has nothing to do with her. I have a hard time trusting any woman. There are some deep wounds of tragedy there. More to come on that later.


One Man’s Search for “True” Love


Ok, here we go again. This is the chronicle of one man’s search for true love. I knew two people once that loved each other in such an incredible a way that made the sappiest romcoms look weak. After spending hours talking with them about their extraordinary bond of love, I think I finally understand what made them so different. Here’s a small taste. When you love someone so much that your purpose in life is to make your person happy and they love you so much that their sole purpose in life is to make you happy, you have the beginnings of “Movie” love. More to come on my research with them.

For years I’ve believed the contrary, but this type of love does exist. However, it’s harder to find than an honest politician.

This is my open journal about my perilous adventure to enlighten me and world on the possibilities of finding the perfect woman for me. Just a few of the questions I’ll attempt to answer include:

  • Can I, with my many obstacles (I’ll explain later.), find the woman of my dreams?
  • Is passionate love fleeting? Or can I/we keep it going?
  • Can I be a better boyfriend, lover, companion, and maybe spouse than the first time?
  • Is there a “perfect” woman for me out there, and can I find someone that I am her perfect man?
  • Can a Hopeless Romantic and somewhat nice guy attract the woman of his dreams.

Love Entry #1:

Look out! I’ve met an interesting woman, Sarah #1 (not her real name). She is pretty and definitely fun. We’ve been out twice, but she does not live that close to me. We’ve been texting everyday, but she seems to have an aversion talking on the phone. (Input the sound, Dun Dun from Law and Order.) We may go out again this week, but my well-trained powers of perception (denote my sarcastic tone) tell me she will cancel. I don’t think she’s the “One”, but I’m have not lost complete hope.

I suspect this confounding beauty will fly away soon.

As always I’m looking for YOUR thoughts and suggestion from my lady readers and my suave debonair playboys. I’m hoping you will help guide me on my success…And hopefully help others too.


Your Intention sucks and it’s driving you away from Excellence!

I was sitting with a friend listening to him prattle on about his overly hostile relationship with his wife.  My mind wandered all over the place. I struggled to even care about anything being said, so listening was an even greater challenge.  I have heard this same story from him over and over again.  

All of the sudden I was struck by the idea that I was clueless to what his intention and what my intention was at that very moment.  I ask him, “What is your intention in telling me all of this?”  He looked at me puzzled.  “I don’t really know,” he replied.

So I began rapidly spitting questions at him:

  • Is your intention to vent?
  • Is your intention to seek my opinion?
  • Is your intention to seek commiseration?
  • Is your intention to gain sympathy?
  • Is your intention to find solutions?
  • Do you have any intention of doing something about your marriage?

I could see the strain of thought as he processed my inquisition.

My mind had been wandering and quite frankly a was annoyed because, I had no idea what my intention was in listening to him.  I didn’t know what to focus on.

I needed to know his intentions in order to understand what my intention should be. He finally shared that what he really wanted to do was vent but maybe he should change his intention.  This was the epiphany.

In order to obtain Excellence, you have to get intentional about EVERYTHING!

I started to ask myself in everything I did, “What is my intention here?”

  • When I sat down in front of the TV, I asked, “What is my intention?”
  • When I sat at my desk preparing for the following day, I asked, “What is my intention?”
  • When I walked into the room where my kids were, I asked, “What is my intention?”

All of the sudden I’m getting far more intentional with everything I’m doing. I’m also moving more quickly toward Excellence than ever before. Go be intentional! I would love to hear your thoughts.

The Process of Excellence

I have been focusing on Excellence for two months. It is exhilarating, but I’ve had many setbacks. Life also gets in the way of Excellence. Focusing on the process of Excellence takes cutting out all the noise to get to the core of its existence. The steps are simple, but the accomplishment is difficult.

The Plan

Excellence starts with a good plan. It doesn’t have to be great, but it needs to be well thought out and easily understood.


You need discipline to stick to the plan and discipline to execute the plan. You need something that acts as a constant reminder to the plan. You need a symbol that helps you overcome the constant battle of discipline.


Then you execute the plan. This is not easy and without constant discipline then the plan is tossed out frequently. When your lack of discipline infiltrates your focus, you need the grit to get back to the plan as quickly as possible.

Flexibility to Revise the Plan

Once you are in the battle of the plan, you must stay flexible enough to change when the plan is not working. Too much rigidity prevents you from overcoming the lost battles of discipline.

These thoughts may seem simple, but I will be exploring these throughout the rest of this year. I would love your thoughts.

I Hate the People at the Gym the 1st Two Weeks of a New Year! (Including Myself)


“Instead of calling my bathroom the ‘John’ I call it the ‘Jim’. That way it sounds better when I say, ‘I go to the Jim first thing every morning.'” Unknown

It’s early in the year, so I was to tackle what should be an easier topic.

How does a common person like me achieve Excellence in their health and fitness? I don’t want to look like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.

Here’s what happens. At the first of the year all of the people who set New Year resolutions start flooding the gym. There I am fighting over a pull down machine with three guys who hadn’t seen the inside of a gym since last January.

Strava, a social network for athletes, analyzed more than 31 million online activities last year and found that January 12 is the day most resolutions start imploding. (Insert sarcastic tone here.) By week three none of us are at the gym anymore so the fight for machines is over. We should all exchange phone numbers, so next January we can coordinate our failed resolutions better.

Now you know why I hate myself so much. I’m not a big fan of eating right and working out. It gets in my way of my over indulgence and laziness.

What do I need to do differently this year to change the pattern of failure and put me on my path to excellence? I’m going to try changing my behaviors and how I measure success.

I created nine fitness markers to identify if I’m reaching Excellence in my Fitness. These include:

  • pushups
  • pull-ups
  • squats
  • benchpress
  • shoulder presses
  • plank

Last Friday I did each of these exercises with a strenuous weight to see how many I could do consecutively to failure. I wrote each of these numbers down. I will measure myself again in two months to see how much I improved. I have not set a target goal yet, and I may not. My only goal is to improve my strength a small amount every two months.

I also decided to measure:

  • My waist to see if it shrinks
  • How close I come to touching the floor with my fingers in a “toe touch”
  • How much I can improve on an incline run on the treadmill

This gives me a total of nine markers to see if I’m moving toward Excellence in each of these areas. For me, Excellence will not be hitting a specific number or goal, but will be determined by improving every two months.

I’m not sure if this will work, but here I go. What do you think? What am I missing? What could go wrong? What would you do differently. Let’s move toward Excellence!

I was Designed for Excellence!


Everyone says they want Excellence but few will commit to attaining it! It’s elusive. You must want it bad. I believe we were designed for Excellence, but we often choose an easier less risky path.

It reminds me of a famous story.

A man once approached Socrates and asked the philosopher how he could acquire Excellence. He walked with the young man down to the sea. The man followed as Socrates began wading into the water until the water rose to their shoulders.

Without warning, Socrates grabbed the young man and pushed his head under the water. The man flailed desperately and just before he blacked-out, Socrates pulled him up. The man incensed screamed at Socrates, “Why are you trying to kill me?”

Socrates politely responded, “If that was my intention, I would not have let you up.”

“Then why did you do that?” exclaimed the man.

Socrates peered intensely into the man’s eyes, “When you desire Excellence as badly as you desire a breath of air, then you shall have it,” He turned and walked away.

How do I maintain the motivation all year long to achieve Excellence? How do I keep wanting Excellence as much as I want air?

If it’s true and we were designed for Excellence, then it’s just a matter of execution. I’ve decided to define what Excellence looks like in my life in the following categories:

  • Health
  • Financial
  • Spiritual
  • Relationships
  • Business/Career

This is where I’m going to start. I need your help in defining Excellence in these areas. If 2019 ended and I achieved Excellence in each of these five areas, what does that look like? What have I accomplished? Does Excellence mean I can’t get any better?

My problem is I have more questions than answers. Where is my help?