It’s Over! Bring in the Funk

Please Help Guide Me on My Journey

It’s official. I’m in a funk. (Cue sad song now.) Something negative happened with someone I’ve been dating. There’s not much I could have done differently, but I do take full responsibility for it. I didn’t think I liked her that much, but It appears to be over. Now, I’ve had one full day of the Funk. You know what I mean. It’s that day where I get to feel a little sorry for myself. I get to pout. It’s where you hear a certain song and it makes you tear up.

Interestingly, I think I’m more upset of the thought that she had the makings of someone I want long-term than the fact it ended just as it was getting interesting. Even stranger, there were a lot of red flags that probably made it not a good fit. I’ve had other relationships end quickly, and they did not spark a Funk. Why this one? What makes this different? It’s perplexing.

These things happen all the time, and when I was younger I used alcohol and partying to drive away the Funk. At my age, It’s best to just spend a day sulking.

Tomorrow is a new day, and my Funk should be over. I’m not sure what I’ve learned from this except, I’m deciding right now that the Funk will not carry over to tomorrow. (Cue Rocky Music)

Love Entry #17

The above tells it all. However, I’m still looking for a dance partner. (See “The Dance and My Crazy Idea”)

The Dance and My Crazy Idea

Please Help Guide Me on My Journey

One of my all-time favorite artists, Garth Brooks once sang in his song titled, “The Dance”:

And now I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end
The way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I’d have had to miss the dance

In what seems like a former life, I was an exceptional dancer. This was not imposed on me by over-zealous artistic parents. I was in college when I first decided to learn how to country dance. I took lessons at a country bar many miles from where I lived. I didn’t want anyone to know I was taking them.

It wasn’t because I was ashamed of taking lessons, because even then I knew that wooing women partially derived from the element of surprise, and a man that could dance was a big surprise.

I was at a country bar with a group of friends who on a whim decided to go, which was not a common activity for us. In this friend group was a woman I wanted so desperately and felt she was soooo beautiful and soooo out of my league that when I was with her I couldn’t remember my own name.

We were standing at the bar with our drinks. Some of our group had already bravely but awkwardly attempted to dance. I waited patiently trying to exude an air of apprehension. Then it happened. There are perfect moments in life when the stars align so beautifully, you couldn’t recreate the circumstances if you tried.

The woman I was poorly and foolishly trying not to completely gush over, looks at me with her big green eyes and says, “Do you want to give it a try?” This moment left such an imprint on me, I still remember the song, “Neon Moon” by Brooks and Dunn. For weeks, I’d prepared for this very moment.

I sat my drink down, grabbed her hand, and I think I said, “I’ll give it a whirl.” At least that’s the line I’d been practicing. I proceeded to twirl, spin and dance her all around the floor that night. Every woman in our group wanted to dance with me, and every guy hated my guts. I knew when I was singing Garth’s “The Dance” in her ear and she pulled away to look me in the eyes, I had won her over. We would date for many months after. All because of The Dance.

After that I took every dance lesson I could find. I learned the Salsa, Tango, Jitterbug, Swing, Waltz, Foxtrot, Cha Cha, and others which I have now mostly forgotten.

Now for the CRAZY IDEA! (Duh Duh Duh)

I’m on a focused mission to locate an adventurous woman (that I date or not) to take dance lessons with me. I’ll pay for all the lessons. I want to get back to surprises like casually walking into a salsa club in Miami, strolling into a swing dance club in LA, or meandering into a country bar right here at home. Now if I can only find the perfect companion…

Love Entry #16

Nothing to report. Today was overly busy with work.

I appreciate any of your advice.

The Slow Death of Romanticism

Please help guide me on my journey.

I live in the wrong era. I think I would’ve been better suited to live in the days of the Musketeers where honor, chivalry and romance were coveted and admired. There was a time when the gift of words like poetry were a symphony of romance to a woman’s ears, but today it’s often chastised as a laughable gesture.

I like holding the door for a woman to enter a building. I like opening the car door for a woman. This may sound completely crazy but on occasion when greeting someone I’ve been dating, I like softly taking her hand and kissing it. A women once told me that makes me “archaic.” I don’t do it because a woman is incapable or that they’re weaker, I do it out of respect and admiration and to show them how much I value them.

I believe when I’m walking with a woman, I should always stand between the woman and the street, just in case. I believe when we sleep at a hotel, I should always sleep closest to the door, just in case. I believe when dining at a restaurant, I should always sit facing the door, just in case. In my many years on this earth, none of these things were ever necessary, nor have I discussed them with women. However, chivalry and romance are not always acts to be announced. I will continue to do them, just in case…

I can reasonably afford to buy a woman whatever gift she wants within reason. I can easily send flowers which at times is a noble gesture, but in my mind has become cliché. However, on a recent date, a woman in her mid 30”s casually informed me that no one has given her flowers since high school. I was so floored by her statement that I sent her three dozen roses the next day, and I’m not even that interested in her. (I do like to make a splash though! Is that wrong?) It’s just a travesty that romanticism has lost its way.

There is one element of romance that caused a major failure with a woman I really liked. I was overly romantic too fast. Employing subtlety and timing with romantic gestures is critical to prevent coming on too strong.

In a short time I’m traveling with a woman and I have several romantic gestures planned, some small and some bold. Last week, I asked her if she thought she would enjoy me doing romantic things on our trip. Her response has confused me. She said she would definitely like it, but she has NEVER experienced anything like it from a guy. Uhhhhhhh… I’m struggling with her response for several reasons.

Am I a hopeless romantic or just a geek? Maybe I’m a lost romantic? Maybe I was a Musketeer in a former life. I’ll keep you posted.

Love Entry #15

I enjoyed Sarah #1’s company twice last week. I do like her. She’s confusing but interesting, and I’m still having a difficult time trusting her. We will be traveling together soon, and I’m sure that will be revealing.

I would appreciate any of your advice.

Perfect Love – Is it even Possible?

Please Help Guide Me on My Journey

Foreigner once sang, “I want to know what love is.” I found the perfect Love once, but in an instance it vanished. I will never forget our first date and our first kiss. Unbeknownst to me, the song that randomly played when it happened was one of her favorites. The irony of this song still hurts.

I’ll never forget the first night we made love. There was a funny moment when I put on a CD, (this ages me a bit) and she shook her head to let me know my music choice was wrong. She liked country, so Garth Brooks was her choice that night. My favorite song of Garth’s was The Dance. Again with the irony.

I’ll also never forget when they played her favorite song at her funeral. The same song that played during on first kiss. To this day I struggle to listen to that song. My memory of our Love is forever imprinted onto my soul.

I’m older. I’m wiser. I’ve failed in relationships. However I’m gaining clarity on what I want in a relationship, and it’s much different than what I wanted back then.

So here’s may new list:

  • I want a soulmate who is uncompromisingly honest with me. Who never lies to me. Who I can count on like the sun rising in the East to tell me the truth.
  • I want a soulmate who adores me, and I adore her. I want a soulmate who puts me on a pedestal and sits comfortably beside my on that same pedestal.
  • I want a soulmate who can easily live with out me, but needs me to make her life complete. I want a woman who could survive without me but thrives with me.
  • I want a soulmate who gets me, my idiosyncrasies, my crazy ideas, my humor and both understands and relishes what’s in my heart and soul.
  • I want a soulmate who is sexual in the way that drives me insane, who is erotic, aggressive and crazy flirtatious and then other times submissive and demure.
  • I want a soulmate who on occasion is not afraid to seduce me, and make me feel wanted, and likes to be wanted by me all the time.
  • I want a soulmate who is authentically herself. She does not try and be someone she’s not for me or anybody else. She knows who she is and loves herself.
  • I want a soulmate who loves adventure and when I say “I’m your Huckleberry,” she says, giddy up cowboy!”
  • I want a soulmate who has spunk and feistiness and is not too predictable.
  • I want a soulmate who doesn’t sweat the small stuff and keeps her eyes on the bigger picture.
  • I want a soulmate who is affectionate and likes to touch me as much as I like to touch her.
  • I want a soulmate who is smart and is impressive with her thoughts, views and ideas.

I will continue to add to this list, but that leads me to the obvious question. Is this asking for too much? Does this exist? Am I being realistic? Am I a person that attracts a woman like this? All this does is give me more questions than answers. To quote the Beatles, “All you need is Love.”

Love Entry #14

I’m working ridiculous amounts the next few days. I’ve had no time or opportunity to let the lion loose. However, I want to believe the woman of my dreams is close by. She and I are about to cross paths. Our destiny awaits.

When Dating…Is a Promise not a Promise?

Please Help Guide Me on My Journey.

I’m old school. I grew up in the great State of Texas, a southern boy with Texan parents. (Be careful putting labels on me because of my origins. Texans have a reputation that is often inaccurate.) Though my dad didn’t always follow his own advice, I was taught a Promise is a Promise. I was educated in brutal fashion to the consequences of breaking a promise. It’s apparent to me that the World has passed me by like a horse drawn carriage, an 8 track tape or a MAPSCO . There’s not many left who live by the cannon of chivalrous code that promises are sacred.

I’ve tried to educate my own kids on the same edict, but the world tells them promises are a casual commitment and not something the entirety of your character is founded upon. My way of thinking has become a relic in a lost culture.

That leads me to a problem. I made a promise to a wonderful fourteen year old, and under no circumstances will I break it. I’ve asked her to release me from this promise, but my request has been denied. That promise does negatively impact my search for the woman of my dreams.

“I made a promise to a wonderful fourteen year old, and under no circumstances will I break it.”

When I do find someone to date, I want a woman who will value a promise like I do. I want a woman who’s authentic. I want a woman who tells me the most intimate, most embarrassing, most erotic, most hurtful and most meaningful thoughts that stir in the depths of her soul. She does this with the fearlessness of a wild Conquistador because I’ve made the ultimate Promise, never will I judge her thoughts, and I will use my superpower of curiosity to explore the beauty and uniqueness of her spirit.

So I scream a Barbaric Yawp (A Reference From the Movie Dead Poet Society) requesting the presence of You the woman of my dreams who will also keep her Promises. A woman who lives authentic, honest and fearless along side me. A woman who will promise to guard my crazy thoughts and allow me to also fearlessly share with her all that is me.

Love Entry #9

Ok, I am now thoroughly convinced Sarah #1 is just not that into me. I know what it feels like for a woman to be into me and this is not it. It sucks since very soon I’m taking her on an elaborately expensive four day adventure. I believe she is ecstatic about the trip, but not necessarily being with me. My feelings of being taken advantage of are running amok again. I suppose I need to just get over it, have a good time on the trip, and expect it to end when we return. (Wow, that’s negative! That’s somewhat unlike me. I’m must be more frustrated than I realize.)

I desperately tried to find a woman to approach, but alas there were no antelope in the Serengeti to be found today.

WHERE’S THE ADVICE???????????????

Do We Even Know What Love Is?

Please Help Guide Me on My Journey

I personally know a man who died for a woman because he loved her beyond anything “a flea like you could never begin to understand.” (Excuse the quote from the great Movie Second Hand Lions.)

It was both a tragic and beautiful Love story. He was diagnosed with a debilitating and long-suffering disease, and his health began to degrade. He needed a lot of aid to do simple things. He could not bare the thought of the woman he loved more than anything in the world imprisoned and unable to live her best life because she was stuck caring for him.

She would have gladly and happily done anything for him. She loved him in a way that very few people ever experience the miracle. On a gloomy day, he took his own life. The suicide note was horrific but sadly beautiful.

The last words in his scribbled cursive read:

I want you to see the world and to go to all the places that I would never be able to take you. I have only ever loved you. Not one day that we were together was a bad day. The thought of being without you hurts me but the thought of you being stuck taking care of my dying body every single day hurts me more. I love you so much and I will prevent you from living a happy life. God will forgive me, and you must too. I’ll be waiting for you just inside the gates of Heaven.”

Know one knows I kept the letter after the police returned it. Please don’t judge me, but on certain occasions for various reasons, I remove this note from its secret hiding place and read it. I always cry.

I always cry because I miss him for he was a great man. I always cry because I wonder if there was anything I could have done to stop him. I always cry because I’ve never witnessed two people love each other more beautifully. I always cry because I’m getting older, and I fear I may never know a love this powerful. I always cry because it happened several years ago today.

Love Entry #8:

Today, I have nothing to report. I worked from early this morning till fairly late, so there was no opportunity!

As of this writing Sarah #1 has not contacted me today nor I her. If Sarah #1 called (which she never does; she only texts.), I would not tell her what today represents to me. I’m not comfortable being that vulnerable with her yet. (Strangely, the only person I’ve told is you.)

This is one of those days, I wish I had someone in my life that would call me with the sincere desire to just learn how my day went. I might reply, “It was a long day but uneventful.” I would give little detail as my work requires me to be somewhat secretive. (No black ops government stuff, if that’s what you’re thinking.) Then she would ask to come over, and I would say “yes.” At some point I would tell her about the note and what today represents, but not today. However, just her presence would make my day a little better. (I told you I’m a Hopeless Romantic!)

I’M STILL WAITING FOR MY FIRST COMMENT!

A Hopeless Romantic with a Hero Complex is BAD for Dating

Please Help Guide Me on My Journey

I save people all the time. Not in a heroic fireman, police officer, doctor, soldier sort of way, but I regularly impact people’s lives for the better. My job and my colleagues lend itself to having incredible resources to help people.

By know means am I altruistic. I flood my self-worth by flying in as the non-caped superhero (because a cape would be weird) to save the day. We don’t need to get into the psychological ramifications of this, as I’m acutely aware of my issue.

My hero complex is especially bad when dating. Some women are drawn to me, when I swoop in and save them in a challenging, difficult or dire situation. I am sometimes drawn to women who need saving. However, I’m realizing that more and more I feel they’re taking advantage of me.

Once they get a taste of my desire to help them, they all too subtly or sometimes overtly ask for more. It starts with either, “You’ve done so much for me, so I would never ask for anything else, I’ll figure out how to ….. on my own.” Or, “You’ve done so much for me, and I hate to ask for something else, but…”

I realize I cause all of this. Many of them seem so appreciative, but their constant desire for my help becomes a turn off for me. This is especially true as I start feeling I do all the giving, and she does all the taking. Another scenario, even worse for me, occurs after I help them. I become dispensable, and they return to the man that treats them like camel dung. Either way the hero falls from grace.

Love Entry #7:

I spoke with Jane #2 at the gym today. We are supposed to have dinner next week. We’ll see if it happens, but I’m slightly surprised she rescheduled. It was her idea. (So you’re saying there’s a chance.)

I sent Goddess Kat #4 a DM yesterday. There’s been no response. That’s ok, she may have had a boyfriend or something else. At least that’s what I am telling myself.

4/10 day 7. I’m still on track. The Lion strikes again! There was a beautiful woman sitting at the coffee shop today alone at a two person table. The place was almost completely void of other patrons. In a dashingly confident almost “Super Spy” sorta way, I grabbed my drink and without uttering a single sound, I sat down across from her.

She had a surprised look on her face and her eyes opened really wide (Or maybe it was a look of terror, I’m not really sure). I said, “I’m terribly sorry, but do you mind if I sit here, I cannot find anywhere else to sit.” She slowly turned her head looking around the room and then turned to me and busted out laughing. She was incredibly kind and ridiculously beautiful. She told me, “You have made my day, and any other time I would love your company, but my boyfriend is on his way here. I’m afraid he might not like you sitting here.”

I laughed and cursed my luck. I briefly lamented over “all the good ones are taken.” She laughed and slyly commented, “Maybe next time.” I doubt she meant it, but her sweet remarks made me feel good. With a disingenuous look of shock, I said, “Oh look, another table just opened up.” She laughed out loud again.

I kindly removed myself from her table. I sat down for a few minutes as my previous plan had been to leave immediately after acquiring my drink. Just as I was about to leave, A behemoth gorilla of a man covered in tattoos and having the muscles of Greek God lumbered in. His face was unfriendly with a scoured countenance, and he exuded the kindness of a rabid Pit Bull. Guess who???

After saying a prayer to the God Almighty, thanking him for my timely removal from her table, I decided to leave the establishment quickly. As he stood at the counter unable to see either of us, I exited. When I did, she smiled and gave me a small wave with her fingers goodbye. Though on this day, the lion was not triumphant on his hunt, her little gesture made it all worth it!!!

(Though the Lion is the King of the Jungle, I’m not sure how it would fare against a giant gorilla!)

I’m still looking for someone to provide ME my first piece of advice…